By Genevieve V. Foley (auth.), Aubrey Milunsky MB.B.Ch., M.R.C.P., D.C.H. (eds.)

For over two decades i've got authorized the problem and had the privilege of taking care of ailing young ones, agonizing with their mom and dad during times of significant affliction, which have been occasionally deadly. due to my specific curiosity in and situation approximately start defects and genetic ailment, a lot of those kids had critical disabling handicaps, which have been frequently genetic and integrated psychological retardation. accordingly care of those little ones and their households was once usually complex by means of the presence of great or profound genetic defects. The preliminary awareness of the character of the sickness continually resulted in emotional . problems and necessarily later spawned continual misery. For a few young children inexorable deterioration ended in premature deaths, whereas the oldsters agonized over their handiĀ­ capped, chronically ailing, or defective-but however loved---

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I think you just put into perspective things I have thought about and have not been able to speak about because there had not been a bereaved parents group at that time. I have not totally realized until now exactly how I felt. S. SCHIFF: Thank you. Parents of stillborns have severe grieving problems very often unacknowledged. " I'm often asked. And I always say, if you are going to have another child to replace a dead one, then please don't. It's not fair to be a replacement person. If you want that child, it's because you want another baby.

THE BEREA YED PARENT 29 These are the things most parents feel, along with a sense of powerlessness and a sense that events are beyond their control. The cause of death is another factor. In the case of illness, such as in our home, we felt we at least put up a battle. We lost it and that was a tragedy, but at least we had the time to fight, the time to say and do many things. An early bicycle; early trips. I love you's. Contrast this with the father who has a fight with his son. The son slams out the door.

Oh, at the same time your cousin who died last week smells the flowers you sent," was the unabashed reply. When Robby died, we simply had enough to do holding our wits together just to follow our religious traditions. Other families have planned funerals down to the last hymn. As I say, to each his own. " By that I mean a death where a child has been engaged in a criminal activity, a child who commits suicide, or a daughter who is raped and killed. It is important to dis- 28 HARRIET SARNOFF SCHIFF courage a private funeral in order to help keep the channels of communication with friends and family open so that the grieving will not seem to end when the funeral is over.

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